What is a woman? This is a question without a definite answer, and nor should there be one. Yet throughout the centuries, people have tried to present their interpretations of “woman” as the absolute truth. This, to me, is the crux of the issue in relation to Simone de Beavouir’s statement that “one is not born, but rather becomes, a woman”. Our personal identity is inextricably linked to gender. We are, as human beings, defined by it even if we don’t wish to be. When a woman speaks out, she is speaking from a female perspective. When she is asked to speak as a part of a panel discussion, it is usually to converse on women-related issues.
Much of a woman is defined by her looks. The standards that set up these looks differ over time, although one thing seems to be constant. The beauty ideal is whatever is most unattainable and unhealthy to achieve. Body modification has been played out over and over again throughout the centuries, but it has never been taken to such extremes as it is now. The premise of doing something to please yourself and to please others has been conflated, with the latter overtaking the former in so much as the only to please oneself is to please others. This type of thinking begins in childhood when pleasing your parents is seen as the ultimate meausure of a good daughter or son. It is more highly prized in boys, though, as it is seen in their nature to be disobedient. It is expected in girls, and is thus frowned upon deeply when such an expectation is not met.
Why is a woman not born then? It is because, in my experience at least, that the only thing that identifies a woman at birth as female is her chromosomes. From the moment she enters the world her condition begins, starting with how the midwives treat her differently from the way they would treat a male baby. Where does that leave women who feel trapped in a man’s body and vice versa? It is this type of treatment that exacerbates such issues, as many trans-gendered people feel that they cannot be accepted in such a body when they have such different attitudes than the ones prescribed to it. This is only half the issue, though, and the relevance of the physical aspect should not be overlooked. A female’s place in the world is defined by the place that is given to her. She is submissive in this instance – it is a role that is handed to her and not to be taken. If she attempts to cultivate her own identity then she is too radical to be taken seriously. As de Bevouir asserts, the path a woman chooses to make her own way through the world is by far from an easy one, and not always rewarding. The luxuries presented in submitting can make it an even harder choice to cultivate one’s own self worth when it appears to be an impossible task.
My own life is rich with examples of family and cultural pressures regarding gender. In many instances it is an attempt to be moulded into the socially acceptable standard of “womanhood”. As a child, the differences in treatment between my brother and myself exemplified the attempts to raise children according to their sex. As a girl, I was subjected to routines that would enable me to become a “proper” woman, such as learning how to cook , clean and serve guests with a smile. My brother’s behaviour, however, was constructed through free play and disobedience. His chores, if any, were stereotypical manual labour, such as bringing the garbage bins in. When questioning my parents on why I had to serve cake not only at my birthday but his as well, I was routinely informed that it was a task that “boys just didn’t do”. This kind of thinking imbedded in certain cultures finds an insidious way of staying alive through socially accepted norms of treating the different sexes.The aim of such child rearing, of course, was to ensure that I too would go on to do the same with my own child. However, this is where the method failed. While I was raised in a repressive household, the outside world offered much more fruitful opportunities for learning and experience. This contrast between the two only highlighted what I was being deprived off at home and what I could really be capable of. Thus, their attempts to make me a woman succeeded, I just didn’t turn into the type of woman that they wanted.
What is a woman? It is the question I asked myself upon first encountering this topic, and the only certain conclusion that I have arrived at is that it is usually others who are telling a woman what she is, not the woman herself. It is somewhat ironic then when in creating her personal identity, a truth is exposed that it is hardly personal at all. In many ways, we are a blank slate when we are born. It is upon entering the world that we are bombarded by the social constructs that create the society that we live in. It is these constructs that shape our perception of everything, including gender. It is hard to identify these examples when in doing so we make generalisations about the status of men and the plight of women everywhere. This is only an attempt to understand what a woman is through my own experiences and understandings of the world. They are far from universally true, but they still apply in many cases. It is too hard to sum up the cumulative effect that being a woman has in society today as it is constantly changing and yet, at least by theorising we are giving a language to ideas that had none. We are challenging what is perceived as normal in order to engage in a more fruitful discussion of womanhood, and that is what is most important.
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