A positive thing that I have taken from the fashion industry, whether it was their intention or not, is that plain people can look good. It seems to me that these women would not be noticable if it wasn’t for the clothes that adorn their bodies. And yet still, they look fantastic, or at the very least striking. The message I get, then, is, “Hey, are you a plain girl? You too can garner attention when walking down the street! All you have to do is wear funky clothes.” I’m going to be honest – I don’t feel like anything when I’m dressed in casual clothes. I don’t feel pretty, or special, or interesting. I just feel plain. So if wearing something a little bit different helps me feel better about myself, is that such a bad thing?
My experience, however, is by no means universal. Maybe I suffer less because my own body type mimics that of a model (and I don’t mean that in a positive way). For many, the industry only serves as a reminder that they can never be that skinny, and they can never be that tall. It’s these kind of thoughts that can eat away at the strongest woman’s self-esteem. There is no doubt that the burden placed on men to live up to an unrealistic ideal is equally as malicious. However, there is only so long I can ramble for. But I digress. The pendulum has been swinging back the other way in more recent times. While the women (or usually girls) that are plastered across advertising billboards are just as thin and airbrushed as ever, there’s a growing backlash. Many are on a pursuit to define the “real” woman. And the real woman just so happens to be the very opposite of the fashion industry’s ideal. There is just one problem with this: there is no real woman. There is no one definition. There are just women. And whether they’re fat, or skinny, or curvy, or flat, they don’t deserve to feel like less of a woman because of something they seemingly lack. Dove’s Real Beauty campaign is commendable for its attempt to portray a more realistic array of body types. At the end of the day, though, they are trying to sell a product. A product that many wouldn’t use if they didn’t feel that they had to improve themselves.
Am I a woman? Am I worthy of such a title? I don’t have curves, and I don’t have much in the way of breasts. And it seems like every day I am reminded that these are the markers of womanhood. So what am I then? Just a girl? I’m the ideal body type for modelling because I have the body of a 14-year-old girl. And so when the majority of women desire to look like a 14-year-old girl, there is something fundamentally fucked up about our society. And I don’t know how the hell to change it.
Am I a woman? Am I worthy of such a title?
You’ve answered yourself in the paragraph above. “Woman” is a description equivalent to “adult human female”, not a title, except in a cultural sense, and even when used in a cultural sense, the difference between “woman” and “girl” can be drawn at various periods, so to speak, in a human female’s life: menarche, age 14, eighth school year, age 16, age 18, age 21, age 25, virginity as defined as first sex, virginity as defined as hymen-breach, marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, and live childbirth; all of these have some historical/geographical precedent, if not necessarily validity (but I’m not a cultural relativist). Obviously not all of these apply to you; but some do. If a particular body type belongs among these potential definers of womanhood, it would be more questionable, to my mind, than any of the others,
And so when the majority of women desire to look like a 14-year-old girl
I doubt that’s actually true, especially if we include women of other nations. (And although 14-year-old girls don’t vary in BMI as much as 24-year-old women, they still do vary). But even confining it to Australian women, and ectomorphic 14-year-old girls: Some percentage already have BMI <20, so there’s no point in them desiring to look like a 14-year-old girl, as they already do. Some percentage, surely, just don’t even think about it one way or the other. Some percentage, surely, are entirely happy with their bodies; whether from affirmation of their partners, or personal tastes, they consider themselves to be quite attractive enough as they are. Some percentage (maybe you, a bit?) actually want to look more mesomorphic, and/or endomorphic, than they are. Is the left-over portion a majority? I doubt it.
In the end, it’s an artificial controversy: no-one, not even you, can appeal to everyone, and there is absolutely no point in trying to, or regretting not achieving that. As long as you appeal to at least some (at a minimum, one) of those whom you yourself find appealing, you can be happy. You don’t need to be the richest person in the world to be financially secure. You don’t need to be eating the best possible diet for yourself, in order to be healthy. You don’t need to be living in the best possible house to be comfortable and sheltered. Same with looks.
Hey Darryl!
The reason I suggested that a majority of women “want bodies of a 14 year old”, is because of this survey: http://www.fabulousmag.co.uk/diets/diet_body_survey_results_issue_025.php
It seems to suggest that 47% of women want to be a size 8 or smaller. Yeah, I know, I know not really a majority but it is somewhat of a trend, no?
Also, I realise my last paragraph was in direct opposition to the statements in the second paragraph but I was trying to illustrate that for all my logical reasonings, irrationality can take over and disregard it all. My own issues with my body only serve to remind me that it is so very much a pointless issue to waste any brain cells over.
At the same time, those issues shouldn’t *or can’t* be laid to rest based on the fact that one person does find you attractive. It doesn’t seem to make a difference, at least not to me. I only seem to doubt their sincerity because whose opinion am I going to trust more, myself or someone else’s? It is not that I’m not good enough for the outside world, it is that I’m not good enough for *me*. And when will that end?